Gone the Sun.

I have now been home for exactly one month to the day. I am used to it, I'd say I feel sad, because a part of me honestly does feel sad - but then I find it hard to feel sad because it all felt like such a dream.

My time in America was the best time of my life and I wouldn't know where to begin or end the whole adventure if I were to describe it. I wrote in a journal over there every now and then so I can remember many of the things that happened over there, but obviously I didn't record every day or my every move and I didn't even do my journal when I travelled across the states for 3 weeks.

It sounds ever so slightly pathetic, but I am trying to move on from my time in America. It is over now and I need to move onto whatever will be my next adventure - be it travelling or finding a job for after I graduate. I currently do not know what to do with my life, I'm in some sort of limbo where I am not sure what to do with myself or where to take myself in life.

I want to blog again but I feel as though I have nothing to blog about. I wonder about starting a new blog and finding new "blog friends" and I would love that. But there's something inside me that doesn't want to do that because I used to find it such a chore and I think I may lose interest pretty quickly.

I'm also slightly on the gloomy side of life lately. I'm fat. And I've never been able to say that without it being the truth, but now it is the truth. I put on a lot of weight over the last year - mainly in America - and I am so unhappy with myself and not confident in my looks whatsoever. I look back of photos of me from when I first started university and I thought I was fat then and if anything I look slightly too skinny on some photos. I don't know what I was thinking but I wish I could have shown my past self photos of what I would look like today because I wish so much that I knew how amazing my body was. Yes, it needed toning, but I wasn't fat. I'm slightly trying to do something about it - I joined the gym and go about 3 times a week. But my diet isn't healthy. I barely eat, and when I do eat,  it is something pathetic like soup or a bit of pasta. I have stupid things running through my mind occasionally about when I used to have an eating disorder and I think I could go back to that but then why should I do that? It's stupid. But then I want to be skinny, I want to be attractive. I'm 20. I haven't got any excuse for being fat.

Anyway, that is my life currently!

The wonderful Grand Canyon.