Do I or don't I?

Everyone has experienced drifting away from someone you care about and love. And everyone has experienced the thoughts that come after it. Do I try and make things the way they used to be, or do I let things be and see what happens? I don't know how long people should think these thoughts, but I have been thinking them a little too long for my own good.


The story.

I met this girl in high school when we were eleven and we very quickly became what I thought of as 'best friends', we carried on being great friends until about when we were 15. We did so many things together, like I guess, best friends do. But then as time went on, we saw each other less and less and we both played a huge part in that, I am not going to sit here and blame it all on her or all on me, it was both of us that let it get that way. I went round to her house one time and she brought out her old diary and we were having a laugh about what she used to write about, but then she came to a page and I saw my name, so I looked at it and it said something along the lines of, "everyone thinks that me and Jazz are best friends but we aren't" and it really hurt me when I read that (I don't think she knows I saw it), which made it hard for me to strike a conversation knowing she thought that through all the times I thought we were best friends. Then it got to the point that when we were together, we just did not know what to say to each other. The silence was so painful. It was horrible. The end of the last year of high school came quickly and everyone started writing in each others Yearbooks and I wrote in hers that I was sorry we had drifted apart and that I hoped we became close again some day, and she wrote at the end of mine;

"Jazz, you have been theee bestest friend I could have ever asked for. We've had 5 years of some unforgettable times together! If we don't speak in years to come, just remember that I'll never forget our memories, I'll never forget you and more importantly, I'll never forget your shortness!!!;)... I have been so lucky to have you as a best mate! :D I'm that soppy, I am actually crying while writing this..."

The last picture of us at prom.

So was I her best friend at one point or wasn't I?

It makes me sad that we no longer even acknowledge each other, and we have never even spoke in person since starting college and soon we'll be leaving and I don't even know where she is going with her life. She was clever so she'll be going to university and probably become a scientist or something! I messaged her last year though but she always took ages to reply, then one day, I never even got a reply again. That was the last time we spoke.

Then I was sat on the bus the other day coming back from college on my own, and she was sat on her own too and I just SO wanted to go and sit by her and just ask how she was but I just couldn't.

I don't know what I should do. Do I try and amend things or don't I? Do I just sit back and let what's happened carry on happening? Who knows we might bump into each other in the future.

Has anyone else had a difficult situation like this?

What did you do?

Quick update - Two of the three universities I applied for have accepted me so I am super pleased. 

I also woke up this morning with a red, swollen, painful eye. I look like I have just been smacked. So I applied so much eyeshadow before going to college when I probably should have left my eye alone. Oops. Now I am sat writing this with my own inventive eye patch (a warm cotton pad held with an elastic headband). 

OH and I am also again super pleased because me and my dentist do not normally get on but the other day we did! When my adult teeth grew through, they were all very discoloured and very brittle (they think it was caused from some medicine I used when I was very ill one time) and my front two teeth became a lot worse each year. So I have been begging him for veneers but he said I can't have them until I am around 21-23, and I said I could not wait that long because I am so self-conscious about them. So he decided he would make me wait 6 months to see how I felt... and I had still not changed my mind by the other day, so he is going to try and sort them out! Yay! He is going to drill the parts off that are really discoloured and put a filling on each instead of veneers. The only problem is that you will be able to see the thin line of glue up close, although this will only be temp for a few years. But I am so so so happy so I do not care! I am booked in for the 21st of December :)

Anyone had anything similar done?

I am bizarre. 

~Jazz