Anger.

Since about the age of 12 or so, I have always been a pretty angry person, but I've always held it in and kept it to myself and not showed it in front of people.

I've had a few times in the past where I have very nearly showed my anger in front of people, but I somehow (God knows how) done something about it so I don't lash out at anyone.

This probably seems really random to blog about, but the reason I haven't blogged this last week is because last Saturday night I was in a really big argument with my mum (we haven't been getting on lately at all), and I just absolutely flipped and ended up smashing some pots. I have no damn clue where it came from, I'd already had a bad day but I knew that was nothing to do with it. For some reason, I just couldn't control my anger. I probably shouldn't have picked up the pots to take them into the kitchen because it was a little risky! But I completely admit it was out of order for me to smash pots and that is totally not right in the slightest, no matter whether someone had pissed me off or not.

So I've taken the last week to cool down and I have apologised to my mum and spoken with her about it. I've been in touch with a 'therapist' too, I don't really like the word though because it makes me sound like a psycho who needs serious help, but hopefully it will be worth the money to speak with someone who will (fingers crossed) help me on finding a way to channel my anger somewhere else instead of on myself and through throwing pots!

I don't know if I really want to talk about this on my blog again, so I'm not sure if there will be an update. I know my blog is about my life and I post about when things are a little tricky, but I'm just not sure if it's something I enjoy discussing because I know it's not right to get so angry over things! I just wanted to admit I have a little bit of a problem that needs dealing with!

But yeah, that's why I've been absent the last week. I took some time out to see friends and try and feel a bit more chilled. And I'm going shopping this week to try and find a 'sorry' present for my mum, I know it won't take back what I did but hopefully she will see that I am really sorry.

Hope you are all well!

Jazz