A Late Teenage Crisis

I've just had a sudden realisation that a future job I may have to have I will probably hate. The university course I'm doing just is not me at all and I don't want any job to do with it; I don't want to write articles for magazine, or write scripts for TV programmes or a story no one will ever read. I don't want to go into teaching or editing or anything to do with English or Creative Writing.

Before I started my blog it was practically a dream of mine to become a midwife, I'd been sending off information about it since I was 15. I also wanted to be a child psychologist at one point for quite a while because I love helping people and after having a bit of a shitty childhood myself, I really wanted to help children most. However about a month before I started blogging, I had to quickly change my career plan after discovering I'd have to spend another year at college in order for me to become a midwife (I'd previously realised I couldn't become a psychologist because I failed psychology at college because I didn't keep up with all the work!), and as much of a dream it was, I hated college. I couldn't stand the thought of spending another year there, so decided the easiest thing to do was apply for the only thing I was slightly good at which was English. But that still didn't appeal to me and I wanted to do my own things, not just listen to what other people have produced, so that's where the Creative Writing part came in. After a while of feeling a little shitty about not going to become a midwife, I embraced the idea of becoming an English teacher and just convinced myself it was what I really wanted to do.

When I found out I'd got into my chosen university, I guess I was happy but there was still a part of me that just thought "oh my God, what are you doing, you do not want to do this!", but I just went ahead with it.

I do love university, but Jeeeez, this course and the things I do on it don't interest me. I'm not getting anywhere with it and I don't want anything to do with it in the future. I can't think how an English and Creative Writing degree is going to get me a job in which I help people. I really want a job where I can do that and do things for people and help them make a difference.

I understand the best thing for me to do would be to drop out of university but I'd be in about £12k of debt for nothing, so I'm going to stick it out. And I've been looking into doing part time counselling courses on the side, maybe I'd be more interested in doing that in the future, so if I had a head start now, that'd be great.

Jazz