I'm a Pringle.

Yep, strange title for a post. But I am.

I'm now what you call a 'single Pringle'.

I wasn't going to blog about this until later on in the week, but I thought I'd do it now so then it's off my chest and I can just move on and try and get over it.

Well I don't really know what to say! I've kind of seen us breaking up for a while now, but I think I've just always tried to push it back, thinking it wouldn't happen and we'd get better, we'd fight less and get on like we used to. But it didn't really happen and we split up yesterday. Over text! Ha. After 2 and a half years and we split up over text, what the hell. I think it was a mutual decision. But this is the first breakup I've ever had and he was my first boyfriend. So, it's weird! But it's sad that we didn't even have a proper goodbye, sounds stupid, but I think it would have made things easier! Then again, crying on the train home would have been a bit awkward for the smelly men that usually sit by me. But the fact that he lives quite a while away from me means there's about 99% chance I will never see him again. And yeah, a lot of people probably would love that high percentage of never seeing their ex again, but you know, I wanted to stay his friend. I've spoke to him every day for about 3 years and now it's just stopped, and that feel so, so shit. I've lost my best friend now as well, he was the only person in the entire world I could speak to about everything. He knew every tiny and huge thing about me, he knew my biggest secret in the world! I'm talking like he's died for God's sake. It feels so crap that we're not together anymore and I can't even ask him how he is. 

For a whole year of my life I was pining after him! It feels like a waste, but it's not because I've had the best two years ever with him and he's done sooooo much for me. He actually is a dream boyfriend. He's great in so many ways. But it just didn't work out. I can completely admit that it's mainly down to me that we've broken up. I've become ridiculously moody, I have the worst temper, I snap at everything he does, I'm not loving in anyway whatsoever, and I have caused almost every argument. Yeah, he has done things that piss me off, but I could have been more tolerant. But some things just aren't meant to be.

I feel relieved in a way, because we haven't been a proper couple for a long time, so it does feel like a weight off my shoulders and I do feel a bit more relaxed because I'm not panicking about what's going to happen. But as the conversation was coming to the 'end', I thought I'd be ok, I felt quite cool. But then straight after and ever since I've been a wreck! I'm relaxed that it's over, but the aftermath is mental. I've been so up and down. I couldn't sleep for hours. One second I'd be crying, then I'd be shining the phone light around my room like a right weirdo, then the next I'd be crying again. I woke up and started crying, then I was fine. Then I cried again, then I was fine. And it's been like this all day. I didn't think I'd be so bad. I'm not regretting it because I know it was the right decision for both of us. I'm young and I need to live a little and I'm glad I'm single, I don't want a relationship right now. I'm glad he's single, I want him to have more fun as well, and he needs to find someone that's right for him. But I never expected a breakup to feel this shit. I wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone. 

Now I don't really know what to do with myself. What do I do with my necklace off him? I wore it everyday for two years straight and taking it off last night felt so strange. I actually might put it back on, there's no need to wipe everything away and I miss wearing it. I'll keep all the pictures and things we got together, but I think it's right to get rid of the train tickets, cinema tickets, etc. There's not much point in keeping them now. I've not told any college friends and I've not really told my mum, she just thinks we've had an argument. I just hate talking about things because I know I'll cry. I know crying is good but it makes me feel weak when I cry in front of others. I quite like dealing with things on my own.

He might be reading this and that's his choice, he could have opted out of doing so as soon as he saw what it was about. I've wrote this post for me to get it off my chest, I'm not writing it for him or for anyone else's enjoyment. This is just me dealing with it.

A day at the beach, 2010.

Jazz

Today's horoscope.

Every single moment you spend on this earth is a moment you can make a positive change. It only takes a moment to turn a frown to a smile, to turn a negative thought to a positive thought, and to transform a sense of giving up to a sense of determination. After a while, all of your moments become one big powerful change. You are the director of your destiny, and you can make it happen one small moment at a time. Keep this in mind today as you face a few hurdles. Remain mindful of your moment-to-moment power.