So I Gave Up?

Hanging my head in shame; I couldn't even manage to blog just a few words every day, never mind.

This is a moaning post, as per usual. Hormonal teenager over here!

I feel emotional lately, I probably always sound emotional but I only ever seem to post when I'm emotional because I like to get it off my chest. It's a little bit of everything I guess. I feel really sad because I'm not at university anymore and I'm not seeing my friends and I realise now how lonely I get when I'm at home. Like I really want to go shopping tomorrow just for one or two bits and I am happy to go on my own but it'd be nice to go with someone and maybe go to a cafe, but then I have no one to go with! My uni friends don't live near me and my friends from home are still at uni and my work mates are at work tomorrow. I normally like doing things on my own but I dunno, I just want to socialise lately and it's pretty difficult to do that!

Then I am emotional over a male. A male I have mentioned a few times now (the one I met up with then he said he was too busy to meet again for a while - for a legitimate reason though). We spoke every day and sometimes he would seem like he was interested, yet now he is just ignoring me when I have done nothing wrong - I wasn't ever in his face, I didn't speak too much or too little and to be fair, he seemed more like a good friend the last two weeks. But now he's blanking me so that feels like I've hurt a friend somehow which I hate doing. I really liked him too. He's kind of left me in a 'eat-until-your-tummy-hurts-and-cry-at-every-song' mood.



I'm jealous of one of my guy mates, too. We always used to talk about our love life problems with each other and he got a girlfriend the other week and I am so so so happy for him, but we don't talk about those problems anymore because he doesn't have them and I miss ranting to each other. That's so selfish saying that because it's great he's in a relationship but I'm a teeny bit (okay more than that) jealous.

My anger has come back again and it's so bad lately.

I feel like I've hurt my mum because I sent off my forms to move out in September and now she knows it's real and I am actually moving out, so she seems really miffed and not quite there with me since I got her to sign them. I feel worse because I wish I was moving out sooner, I really don't like living at home anymore.

Alcohol is becoming a need instead of a want which I find scary.

Oh and I finally read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green which made me weep for an entire night.

And I need to go to the doctors for about a bizillion things because I always avoid going and now I have loads of things to go and sort out and things like that make me really nervous and my palpitations always come back but then I can't take my beta blockers to stop the palpitations because then I get all other weird things going on with me and agh. Just stress stress stress. I hate the doctors. They creep me out.

Y'know those moods where all you really want is a long hug? I'm in one of those moods.

Jazz