I don't really know how to describe my family. It's small, I guess. I live with my Mum and 19 year old brother. My Gran lives up the road. My auntie and 19 year old cousin live up the other way. Then my auntie, uncle and 3 younger cousins live down south, quite close to London. And that's it for our family.
I feel like my family is quite secretive. I feel like I don't know everything to be honest.
From previous posts you may know I was trying to find out who my Granddad was. I failed, I never found out. No one ever mentions him and I don't know why. I have no idea who he was or possibly still is. I've never seen a picture or found out why he isn't around anymore. The weird thing is, my Gran is still married to him.
I've never really found out why my Mum and Dad split up (don't think I'm upset about this, I'm bloody glad they did). But I've heard different versions, and those versions still weren't full accounts. Whenever I asked my Mum at primary and high school, all I got was mumbles and crappy, useless information. (New followers or any existing followers that didn't know, my Dad is Swedish and lives over there and I don't speak to him or any of his side of the family anymore, so it's not like I can ask him!) I'm not so bothered anymore about knowing, but you know, I think at 8 years old, it would have been nice to know why.
I don't know why my Mum never really tried to get with anyone else. From what I know, she has never been married. She hasn't ever spoken about what relationships she had before my Dad. She's never mentioned about maybe even just seeing someone. Yeah I get maybe she might feel a bit past all that now, she is in her 50s (I'm not saying you can't date past a certain age!). But she split up with my Dad in her 30s. She had one brief relationship since then when I was about 4, but why no more since that?
And you'd think, seeing as we're a quite a small family, we'd all be pretty close. But it's not like that at all really. Quite a lot of my friends say they tell their mothers absolutely everything. I am not like that with my Mum in the slightest, hence why it took me a few days to tell her when me and Matt split up. I don't feel like I can talk about things with her. She's my Mum, not my friend and human diary. That sounds really bitchy, I love my Mum to bits, but I don't have a 'best friend' relationship with her like some girls. That's the way it's always been. But my problem is I need to tell her something pretty big, and I've needed to tell her for a long time, but I can't because I just don't speak to her about personal things. So I'm kind of in a tricky situation at the moment, it's not something you can just slip into a conversation. Then I have an on/off relationship with my brother, sometimes I fucking hate him because he thinks our Dad is fucking God and he is really cocky, and sometimes he's alright. I don't even really know my cousin who lives up the road. I never see her. And obviously I never really see the family who live down south.
This post is going nowhere, I don't even know why I'm writing it. It's just been playing on my mind that my family is weird. I'm 100% sure our family is not in the slightest bit weird compared to some. I have it good to be honest. We probably actually have a normal family. I just picture families to be really big and all very close to each other and very open. If I ever had kids in the future, I'd like them to be in a family like that and not in one quite like the way mine is. And I think the reason I don't want to get married in the future is because obviously I haven't been around marriage. In my family, relationships haven't worked out. So I view marriage as a negative thing.
Obviously, every family is going to be slightly cuckoo and a tad weird in some aspects, but I've only recently starting noticing the crappy areas in my family. And what makes it annoying is that it doesn't really have to be that way.
Jazz
I'm sort of like that with my mum, I love her and we are really close, but there are somethings I just can't tell her and she's never asked so I don't have to, but sometimes I wish I could.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's really mysterious about your Granddad, oooohh!
xox
My family is nuts. I seriously wonder if me and my siblings are related (two sisters and a brother, plus a half brother that's never spoken of). I have a pretty small family myself. Bigger than yours but small compared to other people. I always hear people say that everyone feels like their family is crazy but mine really is. I'm the most normal one and that's not saying much.
ReplyDeleteThat is weird that you've never heard of your grandpa and you grams is still married to him. My parents had split up when I was little (that's where the half brother came from on my dad's side) and they pretty much hate each others guts but are legally still married and still live together. They're not a couple though and sleep in separte rooms and lives seperate lives. My mom dated a little bit but I had always wished she'd get remarried and be happy for once. Her and I aren't close at all and the conversations we do have are awkward. I wish we were close and did fun stuff together and bonded but that's just not how it will ever be. I know one day I'm going to really regret that. My brother is the opposite of yours. He despises my dad and won't even refer to him by name. He just calls him "him" or "he" when bringing my dad up in conversations. It's bizzare. Anyway, I could go on but at risk of anyone else reading this I'll stop! Remember you can always shoot me an email if you want to talk again. I think you and I have a great deal in common which might not always be a good thing. ;)