A first facial.

(I know I said I was going to be absent from this for the next week, but I know I'm going to fail my exams anyway!)

I have been for a few facials before, but only 'mini' ten minute ones. Lately my skin has been simply dreadful, so my mum decided to book me in for a proper one.

I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen, so when I got there and she took me into the room (which was very cute by the way) and told me to get undressed and tuck my bra straps under my arms, then lie down and cover myself up, I was just like "ohhhh-kay". So then she left me alone. My thoughts were then - "What the fuck do I take off?". I decided obviously I would have to take my top and shoes off, but what about my jeans? Confused.com. I left them on in the end, simply because I remembered I hadn't shaved my legs and that would be embarrassing if she saw. I lay down on the bed and covered myself up with the towels... then I noticed something amazing. There was a heater directly under my arse. How good is that? It was so cosy. My next thoughts - "How does she know when to come in? Do I open the door? ....Nah that's weird. (Few more minutes pass) Okay maybe I should open the door... in fact no. Or should I? For the love of God what the hell do I do?" Whilst I was still deciding what to do, there was a knock on the door and she asked to come in.

She got on with it then, using soft gooey stuff, scrubby stuff, then some buzzing thing that she moved all over my face (it felt like my face was being warped - you know, like on those webcam settings and picture morph things). After all that was done, she put some circle things on my eyes and I could tell she had turned round to get some stuff. But then the one on my right eye felt like it was slipping off so I was just like "oh shittttt, what do I do?" (my hands were under some warm towels she put on top of me), but before I knew it she placed some huge warm block thing across my eyes and forehead and everything was pitch black. Interesting. Then she whispered to me - "I'll let you relax...". My thought - "What the hell do I say to that?".... So I said "Thanks". Why was she even whispering, I was not asleep, not even drifting... Ha. She left me for about ten to fifteen minutes then and this is kind of all the stuff I was thinking...

"Has she closed the door? I hope she's closed the door, I'd feel a right twat if someone came upstairs and saw me... Oh my God I have to see the new Channing Tatum film, he is soooo gorgeous. If he was giving me a massage I'd pounce on him. Oh my God he strips in the film. So gorgeous. Mmm. How can people not find him attractive? Uch, his wife is a bitch... I wonder if right now the world was taken over by zombies, would they come upstairs to tell me? Because they're meant to be letting me relax, so would they let me get my moneys worth, or would they ruin the relaxation by telling me I was going to be eaten by zombies? I don't really know which I'd prefer... I am seriously starting to fancy Matt Smith, I watch way too much of him lately. He's just so funny. Oh God I love him... I really wish I had ginger hair. I hate my hair. Should I get layers again? It really needs cutting but I don't know how I want it cut. But I want something different... Oh my gosh my arms are so uncomfortable, how am I meant to place them?... Jesus Christ this arse warmer is a bit too hot now. Oh shit my money is in my arse pocket in my jeans. I hope money can't melt. OH MY GOD I will have to hand her warm notes. And she will know it's been pressed against my arse. I wonder if I can get it out somehow. Nah I'll leave it... I should really try and relax... She probably thinks I'm male because my boobs shrink even more when I lie down so there would be no 'boob mound'. I need a boob job so bad... I hope she can't read my mind from downstairs... OH MY GOD MY ARSE IS SWELTERING."

I can't remember what else there was, I know I was thinking something about the music being played but God knows what.

I heard her coming up the stairs and she came in the room quietly. She took the block thing off my forehead, and Jesus Christ, it was so bright. Then she started spraying some seriously cold mist shit on my face. I thought maybe they do that incase the person is asleep. Who knows. Then she put more slimey stuff on my face and some other crap, and told me to go downstairs when I was ready. I snapped a few pics of it in there after she left...

The left is the wall with some cute fairy lights and the right is the ceiling when you lie down on the bed. (Instagram - jazzz02)

What goes on in your head during facials/massages?

Please let me know I'm not the only one who thinks weird things.

Jazz